I used to think that superficial things like taste in music, education or where we want to live were the most important things about being happy within a relationship. At a low point in my marriage I believed we were incompatible because I am a social traveler while my dear husband is a loner and a homebody. (And incidentally we couldn’t even agree on where that home should be- urban for me, rural for him). I spent years fantasizing about a mate who was as worldly as I wanted to be; one who enjoyed travel and adventure, who would challenge me intellectually and who would bring charm and romance into my life. I looked in many places for these things but did not look to my husband because I knew I wouldn’t see these things I wanted so deeply. And then I looked a little deeper.
My husband is still not a traveler, a romantic or a socialite. But he is kind, loving, open and respectful. He is a generous and passionate lover. He makes me laugh nearly every day. I look at some of the people around me whom I put on a pedestal for far too long and I see that I could never have been truly happy with these men in the way that I fantasized. Yes, we might go on more fabulous vacations or have long discussions about politics but then what? None of the men I idealized hold a candle to my husband in the ways that really count. No matter how many far away places you go at the end of the day you are still left alone with this other person. I choose to be left alone with someone I can be myself with. Someone who will never say things to degrade or hurt me, even out of anger. Someone who treasures and loves me in spite of my flaws. Someone who makes a joke when I’m at my breaking point in order to keep me together. Someone who will hear and listen to my point of view even when he disagrees. Someone who understands that love is just as much about action as it is about emotion.
You are now in my head 